Kasperian Moving Parts

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Some predictions for you about Episode III, and why I will hate it

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starwars-episode3I just got finished reading through the eReader version of Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith, The Illustrated Screenplay on my Clie.

I shall now make some observations and predictions about this movie and the future events in my life surrounding it.


stand back.

  1. I am going to hate this movie.
  2. I am going to watch it anyway, for several simple reasons, including:
    • It will be the hottest thing in the way of movies this year.
    • George Lucas had me at Episode IV back when I was knee-high to an R2, trying to tune in the unpaid channels on my parents TV with dials, leaving me with the dis-satisfying experience of watching C3-PO and R2-D2 walking the sands of Tattoine with all kinds of wavy static, distortions, and such.
    • My kids will force me, against my will, to take them to go see this movie.
    • The neighborhood kids will make fun of me if I don’t go.
    • I might not be a real geek if I don’t go, and at this stage of my life, I don’t think I could handle the resultant identity crisis.
    • I believe that there’s a law that says you can be arrested for not going to the newest Star Wars movie in America.
  3. Watching this movie will be even worse than reading the eBook in that it’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion, but the train wreck involves people that you really really care about and have invested 15+ years of your life into knowing about and caring about.
  4. This movie is the center of the entire series, and the absolute worst movie of the series in terms of the story. Therefore, this entire series is an absolute blight on the story-telling history of man and it is ONLY because the third and most important and worst of the installments has been made last that George Lucas can get away with getting 2 entire generations addicted to his movie-drug and making untold gazillions off of their addiction.
  5. The reason that this, the third, movie is the worst movie of the 6 is that I saw it coming 15+ years ago, and I didn’t have the foresight to avoid the whole thing like the plague. At the very least, I saw it coming 5+ years ago (whenever it was that Episode I came out). “It”, by the way, here is a word that means “this poor, innocent, mistreated, manipulated, blind, stupid child is going to be maligned, mislead, perverted, and altogether turned into something horribly evil and I, George Lucas, am going to suck you into it so bad that you won’t be able to help yourself watch the whole thing take place before your eyes and pay me for the privelege of having suckiness dumped on your head and tears running down your face and an overwhelming urge to go watch the whole series at once and waste another 20+ hours of your life.”
  6. This movie will be wildly successful, despite my blog.
  7. There’s more, I’m sure, but I’m just too tired and depressed to put the words to electrons now

Curse you, George Lucas, for being smarter than me!!

Incidentally, I have just played Nikkfurie’s The a La Menthe around 300 times in a row now, so I think it might be a halfway-decent song.

Author: Jason 'vanRijn' Kasper

My name is Jason 'vanRijn' Kasper. I am the ring leader of the amazing Kasper family. I am unashamedly a Christian Nerd. These are our stories....

One Comment

  1. Pingback: Moving Parts of Kasper » Look ma, I’m infamous!

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