I don’t know why I didn’t think of this like 10 years ago, but tying a helium-filled balloon to your pet (I’ve tried the cat and the dog and can vouch for the brilliance of this plan for them, but your fish I cannot recommend trying this on) is absolutely the most brilliant thing I’ve ever done in my life.

As an added touch, rub the balloon like a fiend all over the cat’s back so that it makes his hair stand up on end and also so that the balloon is so static-electricity-charged that it will attach itself to said cat’s body, or anything else that is close enough (like the wall that the cat is trying to stand next to to regain his dignity).

Oh, the brilliance of me!!!